When it comes to predicting which students will be challenging in the classroom, teachers often look for subtle signs. While some might assume that a child’s behavior is the primary indicator, educators suggest that the issue lies elsewhere.
The Elusive Red Flag 🚩
So, what is this elusive red flag? According to Alabama teacher Ashlyn Cooke, it’s not the child’s actions but rather how their parents respond to issues that arise. Specifically, when parents immediately jump to their child’s defense and attack the teacher, it can be a sign of trouble.
Parental Response | Impact on Child’s Behavior |
---|---|
Defensiveness and blame-shifting | Teaches child to disregard authority and shift blame |
Collaboration and problem-solving | Fosters sense of responsibility and accountability |
Dismissing teacher’s concerns | Undermines teacher’s authority and creates sense of entitlement |
Understanding the Dynamics
Cooke’s message resonated with educators across the country, many of whom have experienced similar challenges. “As a teacher, it’s frustrating when parents don’t take our concerns seriously,” said one educator, who wished to remain anonymous.
Why Parents React This Way
According to parenting expert Dr. Deborah Gilboa, it’s often a result of their own fears and anxieties. “Parents want to protect their children from harm, and when they perceive that their child is being criticized or judged, they can become overly defensive,” she explained.
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Breaking the Cycle
By understanding this critical dynamic, parents and educators can work together to foster a more positive and productive learning environment. By presenting a united front and setting clear expectations, parents can help their children develop essential life skills, such as accountability and responsibility.
Strategies for Parents
So, what can parents do instead? Here are a few strategies to help you navigate these challenging situations:
- Stay calm and objective: When your child misbehaves, take a deep breath and try to remain objective. Avoid becoming overly defensive or emotional, as this can escalate the situation.
- Listen to the teacher’s concerns: When a teacher expresses concerns about your child’s behavior, listen carefully to what they have to say. Ask questions and seek clarification to ensure you understand the issue.
- Work collaboratively with the teacher: Rather than becoming adversarial, work collaboratively with the teacher to find solutions. Ask for their input and suggestions, and be open to trying new approaches.
- Hold your child accountable: When your child misbehaves, hold them accountable for their actions. Avoid making excuses or justifying their behavior, as this can undermine the teacher’s authority and create a sense of entitlement.
Sources:
- National Education Association (NEA): “2019 NEA Member Benefits Student Poll” – This report highlights the importance of parent-teacher relationships in student success.
- American Psychological Association (APA): “Parenting Styles and Child Development” – This article discusses the impact of parenting styles on child development and behavior.
- Child Development Journal: “Parent-Teacher Conflict and Children’s Social-Emotional Development” (2018) – This study examines the effects of parent-teacher conflict on children’s social-emotional development.
- The Journal of Educational Psychology: “Parental Involvement and Student Achievement: A Meta-Analytic Review” (2018) – This meta-analysis explores the relationship between parental involvement and student achievement.
- PBS Parents: “How to Build a Positive Relationship with Your Child’s Teacher” – This article provides tips and advice for parents on building a positive relationship with their child’s teacher.

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