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Relationship Red flags That You Shouldn’t Ignore

June 9, 2021

by Ana Lefebvre with One Comment Relationship

After a few bad relationship experiences, you might be scared of stepping into another relationship. That is completely natural! Relationships can be complicated and at times, really messy.

If you are planning to start dating someone, you should remember that it can go completely south, or it may turn out to be amazing.

A relationship is more like a gamble, where there is a risk that you do not always win the lottery. But when you know a few obvious signs, you can save yourself from the emotional trauma that comes when you get into a serious relationship.

Red flags (a term that is commonly used in relationships today) are the deal breakers that should be in your mind whenever you start a relationship.

You might need to be a little open-minded, but don’t be a fool to trust someone quickly.

When you are starting to date someone, have a look at their behavior and their habits.

Red flags are something that indicates a lack of interest and respect in a mutual relationship.

Here are some common red flags:

Ana Lefebvre from Love & Lust, A Relationship Podcast talks about Red Flags

Here are some common red flags:

They never label the relationship.

One of the biggest deal-breakers or red flags is that your partner is reluctant or hesitant to label the relationship even after being with you for quite some time. If you want something more, you should communicate this and get a clear understanding and definition of the relationship. It is better to have a comprehensive conversation regarding this matter, than to wait and see what the other person is wanting to do. When the partner is not willing to label the relationship, it may mean that they are not seeing you as a serious partner. Therefore, they may step out of the relationship and see someone else. To ensure that you are not massively emotionally invested in this relationship for no reason, you should discuss this matter with your partner to receive a clear understanding. If your partner does not want to call you the title that you hope the relationship is heading towards, this might not be the relationship for you.

Please remember that you can not change someone. If they are saying that they do not want anything, you have to respect their choice and accept their answer. You have to decide if you are going to move along or be happy with your current relationship state.

Not social media official even after months.

This is the time of digitization, especially with Millennials and Generation X. These generations like to share everything. A lot of people use it to keep up with others or to share about their lives through social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. If you are with someone for a couple of months and are still not a part of their social media, you might want to ask why, especially if they are an avid user.

This is a major red flag that they do not want you to be on their social media account(s) because it technically means that they do not want their acquaintances and friends to know about the relationship that they have with you. One of the reasons for this can be that your partner does not want to have a long-term commitment relationship with you, or they are unsure about being in a relationship with you. The feelings are most likely, one-sided and the relationship will not be going anywhere.

If this does bother you, then ask. Communication is the only thing that will solve this red flag. If they still do not want to show you on their social media account(s), then you should re-evaluate the relationship.

Image by yaulink4u from Pixabay

Keeping secrets.

If your partner is keeping secrets, there is something wrong and this is a huge red flag. Being together in a relationship and keeping secrets is a big deal breaker. It can cause stress, paranoia and break trust that you may never regain.

Compromise is not something they want to do.

Every relationship requires effort. Both of you wouldn’t need to compromise each time something comes up, but if you feel that your partner is unwilling to compromise, is that even a relationship? If your partner wants you to make all the effort and compromise, maybe you should think again if you want this to be a long-term relationship.

This kind of relationship, where only one partner is expected to do all the effort and compromise is not a fluid relationship. You should definitely get out of a relationship where the respect and the efforts are not mutual and the other person is not willing to compromise.

You have to ask yourself if you are okay with a one-sided relationship.

Their friends or family do not like you.

One other major red flag is that his friends do not like you. Just remember that his friends and family do not know you personally. In fact, they know you because of your partner. When your partner’s friends or family do not like you, then question how you are portrayed to them. The negative vibe may stem from the fact that your partner does not think of this relationship as a long-term relationship.

This division between you and his family will definitely impact the relationship negatively and cause a deep strain. Think of the holidays (if you only see your significant other’s family on holidays), future children, etc and how that negativity will impact your life.

Cannot match your sex drive.

The next most important point is that your partner can not match your sex drive. Your partner or yourself may have a high sex drive or does not want to have sex at all. One major aspect to consider when being in a relationship is that both sides should have a similar thought process regarding intimacy and sex.

You would feel, in very little time, that only one of the partners is initiating sex and the other one does not feel the same about sex or have the same definition of the importance of sex in a relationship.

Pushing physical boundaries.

Do you have a boundary already set regarding physical intimacy? Does your partner know about that but still tries to push it a little bit more? Does he constantly try to hug you or give you a shoulder rub? Do you sometimes feel awkward when he is a little too intimate with you? Well, that is a major red flag that he is trying to push the boundaries with the little innocent ways that he or she may have. This can be really dangerous in just a few months and can cause a lot of emotional distress for you.

Being in a relationship can be tough and for the most part, will always require a lot of work. We are not perfect, by nature, but always keep hope that you will find someone who is not only the perfect match for you, but also wants to respect you with all their heart and soul.

Do not try to make a relationship work if you find massive red flags or deal breakers. Do not end the relationship without communicating these issues, since it could possibly just be miscommunication. Once you know that you are not compatible with this person, it is better to end the relationship rather than trying to force something that will not work.

Sex vs Intimacy and the Difference Between the Two

June 9, 2021

by Staff with No Comment Relationship

Photo by Alesia Kazantceva on Unsplash

Amanda Palmer has said the most beautiful thing about sex and intimacy. She says, there is a difference between when you want others to see you than to look at you.

“There’s a difference between wanting to be looked at and wanting to be seen. One is exhibitionism, the other is connection. Not everybody wants to be looked at. Everybody wants to be seen.” -Amanda Palmer

The same goes for sex and intimacy. Most of the world is deprived of both of these things these days, but it is sad to say that they cannot find the difference between these two things.

Intimacy is more than just a physical relationship, unlike like sex when you are physically in contact with someone else. Intimacy includes the vulnerability of each other in which they are prone to any pretentiousness and are in their natural habitat. It is about opening yourself to others and sharing your darkest secrets or incidents of your life.

Image by Solie Jordan from Pixabay

In plain English, it is a non-physical existing link or connection between two human beings who are in search of a long-lasting relationship. It could be between any two persons, whether it be a couple of opposite or same gender or two friends. In sex, it is also possible that the connection in sex could be from only one side, but this is not the case with intimacy. Intimacy begins when the feeling is mutual and both people feel the same about each other. You can also be intimate with someone non-sexually (like with family or friends).

What is sex without intimacy?

Sex is a symbol or a representation within intimacy. Sex can be included in intimacy, but it is not the same vice versa. You cannot call it intimacy and the only in the form of or symbol of intimacy that you and your partner(s) have is sex. It could be expressed in many other ways.

However, if you want to ask what sex is if there is no intimacy, it is just for fun. The one-night stand concept (getting in bed with a stranger for one “night” to enjoy sexual intimacy with them) is common in our society (especially millennial relationships). Some people view sex without intimacy just as a fun act and not harmful for people (safe sex please). Sex is also a sign of a healthy relationship between two people (or more) that are madly in love with each other.

Sex and love are two different things. For married couples, or people who have commitments with their partners, sex without intimacy becomes less complicated over time. In sex, there are no rules or any restrictions of showing deep feelings of love to your partner. You can also enjoy it in a way in which you fool around and have casual sex without showing romance to your partner.

Kirill Palii on Unsplash wp-image-8271 size-medium alignnone” src=”https://myunboundedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/kirill-palii-mFOJu2IGSt0-unsplash-300×300.jpg” alt=”The difference between sex and intamacy” width=”300″ height=”300″ />

Photo by Kirill Palii on Unsplash

In this regard, the “friends with benefit” concept has grown much more popular among the youth these days. People do have sex with their friends without falling in love with them. With friends, it becomes easier because they have a good bond with each other, which makes it less awkward. There is no doubt that sex and intimacy are two separate things, but sex can change the perspective of your thinking. It can make things wonderful or complicated simultaneously.

Sex vs Intimacy

In simple words, the major difference between sex and intimacy is that you can say sex is a type of intimacy. Sex or any sexual activity is the physical (sexual) intimacy that you create with your partner. Whereas intimacy has a wider spectrum in its meaning. Sex has nothing to do with emotions or feelings, but intimacy includes how you feel about your partner, whether sex is included or not.

Usually, the people who are unable to get over their previous relationships are the ones that had intimacy in their relationship or they developed deep feelings for their partner. Sexual relationships that have intimacy can be challenging to close. It leaves a hole or a shallow place in their life that they are unable to fill again. Mostly, people move on with their first love, start their new life, have a new partner, family, but they can never forget that intimacy that they had with their previous lovers.

Types of Intimacies:

There are many kinds, but mainly four usually comes forward, which are described as follows:

Emotional:

Emotions are a part of our life. When we come to a point at which we feel completely comfortable sharing our deepest desires or dark secrets with our lovers or friends, this is when you achieve emotional intimacy. We feel comfortable sharing our issues with our siblings before anyone else because we know they will understand instead of mocking us.

Intellectual:

It relates to sharing your opinions or ideas about certain things. It does not mean that you share because others will agree with you. It could start a debate, but at least you will be able to put forward what you think about a certain topic, and it is healthy when someone has one or more persons with whom they can share their opinions.

Experimental:

This is the basic level of intimacy that you achieve with anyone. It is like when you start bonding with someone in your leisure time. It means you have mutual interests and share hobbies and like to spend your free time. It is an example of syncing up in teamwork or acting in unison in some activities.

Sexual:

Last but not least, sexual intimacy. People often confuse and include their sexual intimacy as intimacy in general, but there is a vast difference. It involves sexual activities, which are mainly about feeling physical about your partner.

Conclusion of Sex vs Intimacy and The Difference Between the Two :

Sex and intimacy are two different topics. Although these can be interlinked, one must understand the concept of intimacy. Sex might not sustain the relationship; although it is integral, intimacy is something that will retain your relationship and make it last longer. Couples might lose interest in sex after 10 to 15 years of marriage, but intimacy maintains the relationship. Remember to understand intimacy and sex are different concepts but constitute an important part of any relationship. Make sure you are exploring this vast topic, there is a lot of depth that you must know of. Learn how you can better your relationship with better intimacy with your partner.

Want more Relationship Advice? Listen to Love & Lust The Podcast.

How To Text A Girl: Dating 101

June 3, 2021

by Ana Lefebvre with One Comment Relationship

I was talking to a friend about a guy who had succeeded in receiving my number, but failed on successfully communicating with me. Whenever we talked or saw each other, it was a great time and we were clearly both interested in each other. What he failed at was communication, which puzzled me since he communicated for a living. After listening to my rant, she goes, “oh he just doesn’t know how to communicate with girls”.

Then it clicked. People know how to communicate. We do it all the time, but when it comes to someone that we have interest in, our emotions get in the way of communicating.

75% of millennials would rather text than talk, but we were never taught how to use this form of communication, since it was never done before.

Here is how to text a girl: Dating 101

How to approach a woman and ask her for her number:

I want to start at the very beginning of approaching a woman, the old fashion way. Say you are in a bar, lounge or such. Approach her and start a conversation. After you have a rapport with her, ask her for her number. What should the rapport be? Talk about something that creates an interest in her, for you. When you are approaching a woman and asking her for her number, you are basically selling yourself and why you would be a good fit in her life. After you create interest, ask for the number. If she is hesitant, do not get discouraged, remember an hour ago, she didn’t know who you were.

When exchanging numbers, make sure you receive hers and then also have her put her name in your phone. This will allow for no mistakes when trying to reach back out. The most important thing, is when you walk away, send a cute and short text to her about how nice it was to meet her and something that insinuates that you do want to see her in the future. If you are bad with names, screen shot her name. This will help you remember.

How to ask a girl for her number from a dating site:

If you are on a dating site, it should be easier to know someone’s interest because they are on the site to usually “date”. Once again, do not jump the gun, but also do not take too long as it may look like you are prolonging the process to weigh your options. That is dangerous, especially if you are actually interested in the person. Build the rapport that I was mentioning earlier and then once you have built a common interest ask for the number and to take her out. If, you are hesitant to ask for her number, ask her out and then the day of, ask for her number and state something to her like, “in case the area does not have wifi”.

After the date, text her in regard to thanking her for coming out and something about the evening. You want to be memorable and also stand out, so be memorable and stand out when texting, communicating with her.

How to text a girl off of social media:

First you have to get the number, right? This can be hard. Watch the video above about getting the number from a social media site. Social media is sometimes used as a dating app, but for some it is a way to communicate with friends or sell products. You have to know who you are talking to. Once again, do not ask for the number too early. If you have a private account, take into account for that. Also, cater to the person you are talking to. Getting a phone number off of social media may take much longer, because the purpose is not concrete like a dating app or in person.

One of the biggest fails I have seen with guys trying to get my number off of social media is doing too much too soon. Not letting it organically happen. Not trying to communicate and learn who I am because they are assuming off of posts and pressuring me.

How to text a girl once you receive her number off of social media:

Now this is different because, now that you have her number, what is the difference between you texting and direct messaging? You need to create a difference. At the end of the day, if you are not meant to be, you can still be acquaintances or friends if you communicate properly.

Be different and do something different than what you were doing the dms.

How to text a girl if you feel like she is losing interest:

This is actually quite easy. Go right back to what you were doing in the beginning and repeat it. Too often people get comfortable in relationships and forget to do the things that they were doing in the beginning of the relationship. This is not good at all. You want her to smile when she reads your texts. You want to remember your goal of the relationship with her. Asking her about her day and learning about her life is important. You also want to share.

Not everyone is a text communicator. If you feel like she is losing interest through texts, ask her preference on communicating.

Meet up with her. If it is not a long distance relationship, then ask her out on a date to keep the chemistry going and to build on it.

Here is how to text girls to meet up with you:

Make her feel comfortable and safe by not applying pressure. Ask her out directly by supplying the place and time, but do not be overbearing.

Do not do too much too soon.

You want her to smile when you text her and it is easy, keep it positive. If she asks you about your day, text her a positive thing about your day. When you are beginning to text, you are learning her texting style and social cues. Do not move or assume too much too fast.

The phone calls and text messages from guys are the ones that do not leave me feeling peaceful when the call ends.

You don’t have to type in complete sentences, but watch your spelling and grammar. No need to use grammarly, or maybe you should. During your initial stages, you are trying to leave a great impression. Do that by making sure your text messages sound intelligent.

Use emojis to help create context behind the sentence.

Do not rush into marriage mode too fast.

How to text when you have nothing to text about:

People, in general, love to talk about themselves. You can ask her about her job or siblings. Ask her about her accomplishments or proudest moments. Tell her about a movie you just watched and ask her if she has seen it. “If you ask about her favorite movie and if you haven’t seen it, make an effort to see it.” Make jokes. Being funny goes a long way.

When texting a girl, when do I ask her out?

Once you have built comradely with her, you also want her to be curious about who you are. Light conversations through text and real conversations in person, if this not a long distance relationship.

If you are the one that approached her, you should be the one asking her out. Do not take too long to ask her out, because it looks like you maybe weighing your options, especially if you received her number over a social media site.

Top 4 Rules for the Casual Sex Relationship

How to not text a girl:

Do not be hot and cold.
Do not play games with the texting reply times. This little game has been exposed. Too many times people are hot in the beginning and the pull back. It leaves the other person to wonder why they are pulling back and their assumption is not always true.

You do not need to text all day, but when you do, make sure there is substance to it and that you text her back quickly.

I have seen so much bad advice about making her wait. If you make certain women wait, you will be waiting for the rest of times. Certain women do not play games, and honestly those are the ones that are more solid because their confidence is much higher that the ones that are doubtful.

Double texting is not a bad thing depending on the situation. You have to cater to the person and situation. Individualize your communication and stop with the cookie-cutter dating.

I have friends that are single mothers and sometimes their kids have their phones.

I have friends that work 12 hour days and the last thing they want is to be pressured at the end of the day.

3. Do no be overbearing. Remember, she doesn’t owe you anything. You approached her. Be patient, but also persistent without being needy. You want to be a part of her life, not her whole life.

How to text a girl recap:

Get her number by applying the principles directed above.
Create a bond by learning who she is and figuring out what you two have in common.
Make her curious about you through texting.
Do not be desperate.
Be positive in text and leave the real conversation to when you meet up with her.
Watch your grammar and spelling.
Do not play games through text
Make your intentions known.
Do not wait too long to ask her out.

Proxemics and The Surprised Attraction

January 24, 2021

by Paul Chambers Men Relationship Sex

We've all been there before. That moment when you have a really good friend and then out of nowhere you begin to find them surprisingly attractive. There is a word to describe it: Proxemics.

Photo by Jasmine Carter from Pexels

The idea of proxemics is very real. The more time you spend with someone within your preference, the more you will become attracted to that person. So the thought begins to linger in your mind: Should we potentially ruin our friendship with trying to be more than friends? Should we give into temptation and become intimate with each other? Those questions among others are answered by the Thundercats on this week’s episode.

Also in this episode, P-Mac & He-Man discuss brutal honesty and how it may hurt your significant other in the moment, but how they will learn to respect you for it in the long run. Find out all of this and more on The Welcome 2 Forever Podcast Episode 63, “Jinkies”.

Click to Listen to The Episode

About

Chambers Street Enterprises brings to you The Welcome 2 Forever Podcast featuring The Thundercats, Paul “P-Mac” Chambers (@MacsWorldCSE) and Starlen “He-Man” Roddy (@Thundercat254). Join the guys on this wild ride as they discuss everything in regards to relationships, sex and crazy life situations these two best friends have experienced along the way.

The Welcome 2 Forever Podcast is available on Soundcloud, Spotify and IHeart Radio. Also YouTube on Chambers Street TV.

The Stages of Dating

January 13, 2021

by Paul Chambers Men Relationship Sex

Dating means different things to different people. Have you found yourself struggling to define exactly what stage of dating you are in?

This week the Thundercats, P-Mac & He-Man, discuss the different stages of dating, signs to look for early on in a love interest, and exactly what someone’s true intentions are in regards to dating and relationships. Is it something casual? Have you both decided to cut off any other situations you may be holding onto? Are you both all in on each other and eager to see if there is a future? Check out The Welcome 2 Forever Podcast Episode 62, “The Show Must Go On” to gain some insight and clarity.

Uncensored.
Unfiltered.
Unapologetic.

About

The Welcome 2 Forever Podcast is available on Soundcloud, Spotify and IHeart Radio. Also YouTube on Chambers Street TV.

Misogyny in Today’s Society

January 12, 2021

by Ana Lefebvre love and lust Men Opinion Relationship Sex

The Different Shapes of Vaginas/ Misogyny in Today’s Society

In Episode 31 of Love and Lust, The Podcast, Ana Lefebvre and Camille Corbett discuss social issues such as Misogyny in Today’s Society.

Misogyny is the dislike of women, contempt of women, or prejudice against women. Just like systematic racism, misogyny has been going on for so long that many people spread it without a second thought.

Love and Lust, The Podcast, has a mission to highlight and bring attention to these social issues. Hopefully after listening to Episode 31 people can start to recognize when they are being misogynistic and news flash, women can be misogynistic too.

Sexism occurs so vastly that everyone must be very aware of what misogyny is and how to stop it. I have found out that a lot of people are unconscious of their Misogynist behavior. Sweetie and Doja Cat came out with a song recently, called Best Friend, where they called out the “fake-woke” men that are actually misogynistic. If you are unaware if you are a misogynist please click here.

Also discussed in Episode 31 of Love and Lust is the different Shapes of Vaginas. To view what types of vaginas you might have seen (*wink *wink) click here.

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About Camille Corbett

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To check out her Pilot: @crystalandchelsea

Love and Lust, The Podcast

Relationship Communication is what Love & Lust the podcast is about. It is Ana Lefebvre’s mission in life to give women a voice in the bedroom. Communication starts in the home and transcends to every other avenue of your life: career, finances, etc. “Once I took charge of my life in its complete entity, everything began to change for the better.” – Ana Lefebvre

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Love and Lust, The Podcast, had an enlightening conversation with Rhonda as she explained the ins and outs of OnlyFans and what it’s really like to be an OnlyFans creator right now.

Ana Lefebvre also answered the popular question: Would she have an only fans account and her thoughts on it.

Rhonda is an adult content creator on OnlyFans with 3.5k fans.

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Relationship Communication is what Love & Lust is about. It is my mission in life to give women a voice in the bedroom. Communication starts in the home and transcends to every other avenue of your life: career, finances, etc. Once I took charge of my life in its complete entity, everything began to change for the better. – Ana Lefebvre

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