Alone for the Holidays

Home for the Holidays or Alone for the Holidays?

Ana Lefebvre
I crossed my eyes out because that was the old me. The one with no self esteem and self worth.

How to be alone for the holidays.

Oh, it is the Holiday season, again. It happens every year, but somehow a good percentage of us that celebrate the holidays are not ready, sometimes year after year.

I’ll take you back several years in my life. November 25th, like clockwork, the Christmas tree was up, and outside lights were lit (neighborhood competition). Christmas presents were already bought (I had at least 20 people on my list) and I had already started purchasing all of the dried products for Christmas Day’s menu if I was staying in town.

If I was staying in town, I was cooking Christmas Eve lasagna. It would take all day because I made the sauce from scratch (I am originally from New Jersey). I would start Christmas Dinner preparation on the 23rd and on the 25th I would host breakfast and dinner. On one of my last carnivorous Christmas, everyone had their own Cornish hen.

My dog would have a costume and cookies would be made and on standby. Spiked eggnog and Apple Cider along with 5 different alcohols were always available. If you wanted to eat and drink, you would come to my house. 

That was several years ago. 

Fast forward to today…I haven’t trimmed the Christmas tree in years. I haven’t cooked Christmas dinner in years. Looking back I thought my life would be completely different on all Holidays going forward. Oh, they are different alright.

Full transparency, in 2019 I was making happy videos on Instagram and wishing everyone Happy Holidays, but I didn’t get out of bed. I had to plan Christmas parties for other people, but I did not get out of bed. I flew to another state to run away from my shattered life, but I didn’t get out of bed. After that year I knew I had to change my narrative, so I did.

Here’s how to go forward when you are alone for the Holidays. I don’t mean that you are completely alone, I mean alone romantically.

1. Who gives a F, you were alone for at least part of the year. Don’t make a big deal of it now

Think about the money that you are saving on gifts and just spend it on yourself. You can probably give yourself a better gift than anyone else can. If you want to give, give to charity. Donate to a foundation. Bless someone. Give. 

2. Start a new tradition

Do you have the holidays off? Do things you couldn’t do if you were in a relationship. Productive things. Go to a spa on Christmas eve. Start a Christmas tradition with your family and friends. If you are seriously pining keep productively busy. Get yourself ready for the New Year. Plan the trip you always wanted to take. Have you ever taken a vacation by yourself? It is seriously empowering.

3. Take a vacation

If you want to get away, get away if you can. Prices will be cheaper in certain destinations because it is the Holidays. If you can’t get away or can’t afford to order your favorite food, watch your favorite movie, or take a bath. Relax. Hopefully, your home is so peaceful that you can take a mini vacation in it. It will be okay. 

4. Surround yourself with family and/or friends.

If you have them. I live away from my family now, so I had to come to a place where I had to be accepting and happy to be alone for the holidays. Ignoring the holidays does not help but instead being happy within yourself. I take a small piece of something I would traditionally do and implement it. 

5. Be happy that you are alive

Waking up thankful will help your mental health immensely. It really is just a holiday even if it is a magical one. Make your own magic. You really have to find what makes you happy and focus on that. It is just another day, respectfully. 

If you are really serious about not spending another holiday alone read these articles next.

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8 ways to drive women wild

8 Ways To Drive Women Wild

ways to drive women wild

I’m writing this because I recently read a really stupid article from a “dating coach” for men that had some of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen written under this topic. For starters, the article and site, which I will leave unnamed (the article is titled “Ways to make women absolutely wild”) started off by saying to show up to her home or place of work unannounced. So they are telling men to participate in actual stalking? If you show up unannounced to either of those places of mine, I would be weirded out and annoyed. There’s a difference between a surprise, being inconsiderate, or creepy. Sending flowers unannounced, food, etc to an address you were given is something completely different. The article also mentioned to wait days after a date to contact her.

“The last person that did that to me (waiting days to contact me after a date) ended up losing me to a man that wasn’t playing about me. The date ended and the next night we ended up on another date.” -Ana

Here are 8 ways to drive women wild

  1. Surprise her with thoughtfulness. It doesn’t have to be expensive at all, it could be something as simple as getting her a book. Flowers or lunch sent to her job (if you have her permission), take her car to get washed, oil change, etc. Do not show up announced, especially if you are not an item. I personally would prefer to know in advance (doesn’t have to be alot of time in advance, but a considerate about of time)  just to make sure I can plan time to spend with you versus a random visit where I have to fit you into my schedule 

2. Mix up your way of communication.  If you guys mostly text, call her to say good morning. Leave a voicemail. Send videos on social media. I don’t know about y’all, but I am grown. If I want to talk to you I will. I know there’s usually a nervous/ sticky period of time where you don’t know if you should contact someone a certain way, but the way to get over that introductory phase is to push past it by doing new things like calling or texting several times a day. It really depends on the type of relationship you want with her.

Do not use this information for evil.

If you want a traditional relationship where you are the “leader”, then make sure initially you are doing most of the out-reach. Once you both become more comfortable in the relationship, the dynamics of who is contacting who first will definitely mature and change. If it doesn’t you might want to re-evaluate your “relationship”. Also, make sure you are giving it time to mature.

things guys do that girls love

3. Learn how she communicates and communicate. Be consistent with it. Explain your day and ask her about hers. 

4. When you ask her what she wants to eat, and if she answers “I don’t know” have a couple of suggestions ready. Sometimes she knows what she wants to eat, but she doesn’t want to suggest something that you won’t enjoy. Having options prepared shows how you are in charge. Listen I don’t know why “we” do this. It is obnoxiously annoying, but whatever. 

5. If you see someone you are interested in public, do not come off slimy by saying a clichè line. Sincere PG compliments are okay. Corny comments or compliments can be okay too, just have discernment and realize that this is your first impression. Don’t give her your phone number and expect a call, especially if you were interested first. Just because you are interested in her, doesn’t mean that she is or has to be interested in you. If you are approaching her, keep that same energy and call her. Text her, because who are you at this point? You need to show her.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Getting a Lady

You should really treat the woman that you are interested in like she is the number #1 woman in the entire world and that you are lucky to have a morsel of attention. This has nothing to do with not believing that you are amazing too, just traditionally the man pursues the woman. Do not let these new-wave/red-pill generational dating rules affect your dating life if you are into traditional relationships.

6. When being intimate learn her body. That takes bedroom communication skills. Learn her favorite positions and be generous. Watch this video for tips-

7. If you had a great date together let her know that night. Text her and follow up with her that night. Be chivalrous and make sure she got home safely. Do not wait days to tell her that you had a great time and that you would like to see her. At this point you both really owe each other nothing. She could have other prospects. 

8. Keep you intentions clear. Don’t lead her on. Don’t be hot and cold. Skip the pull back stage that men are notorious for. If you want a grown @$$ relationship, then act like a grown up.

Ana Lefebvre What Girls find Attractive in Guys
Author/ Relationship Guru Ana Lefebvre

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Are you the toxic one in relationships

Are you the Toxic One in Your Relationships?

“The truth is that most of us have at least one toxic trait that we need to work on.”  
Sometimes we are stuck in our own way. Sometimes we have been single for so long that we forget that we have to compromise when we get into a new relationship, and we end up bringing that single mentally into it. Sometimes we are just a$$holes that are lucky to have someone put up with us :). 

10 things guys do that women love

10 Things Guys Do That Women Love

Read below and see if you agree that these are some of the top things guys do that women love.

Now every female is different, but according to social media, these are the most popular things that guys do that women love.

1. The one-handed steering wheel turn

 It is something about controlling something with one hand that is a huge turn-on. I think it just shows power, control, and confidence.

2. Randomly bringing food 

Whether it is a simple snack or an entire meal, it is the thought that counts, but make sure it is something she eats, otherwise, it may backfire. Food is a love language for a lot of people. 

3. Loaning clothing

Or giving… If you want to get her to constantly remember you, loan her a jacket/hoodie/shirt, etc. It’s something about wearing your man’s clothing.

4. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk

This traditional gesture was actually started to protect women from dust/debris/horse and carriage splashes. Now it is seen more as a sign of dominance.

5. Not being ashamed of PDA in public

I’m not saying to have a full-blown make-out session, but not being ashamed to show affection in the public solidifies the relationship as being a relationship.

6. Picking a romance movie

Stereotypically, romance movies are geared towards and are for “females”, picking something outside of your usual norm shows that you are willing to have a relationship to where there is give and take.

7. Random eye contact and smiles

It’s the assurance and the private moment together to where you feel like the most important person in the world.

8. Texts mentioning him thinking of her

Once again it’s the assurance of letting her know that the day will not go by without you thinking about her.

9. Holding Hands

Holding hands is a form of intimacy. A form of non-verbal communication. Studies have shown that holding hands can be a huge stress reliever and also give a sense of security. 

Read: Sex vs Intimacy and the Difference Between the Two

10. Referring to her as “his woman”

Once again securing her placement in her life. Yes “my woman” can go a couple of ways and of course the discussion of the relationship status should occur, but once again that primitive dominance is a turn-on.

how to start a conversation on a dating app

How to Start a Conversation on a Dating App

how to start a conversation on a dating app
Asking Ana

Oh, dating apps. Do you love or hate them?

Regardless of your feelings about them, it is the most contemporary way to date in the current millennial culture. 

This guide will help you regarding how to start your conversation when you are dating online. An intriguing one liner is what you need initially. But how to prose the perfect initial statement?

Let’s find out a few methods that you can use for starting a conversation on a dating app.

You can start the conversation with a question

Think of an interesting question to ask. I have a friend that is a pro on these apps. He has 5-7 pictures on either tinder or bumble and he starts his conversations depending on the picture that the person clicked on. If it is an outdoorsy picture, he talks about something pertaining to being outside. If it is a formal picture, he curates his initial question, well formally.

If it is a food picture, then talk about food. Do you see where I am going here?

It can be a would you rather related question or you can go for the question that is a little bit more quirky to give an edge to the conversation. Just don’t overdo it and ask something that is completely random and not individualized. 

You can also ask for recommendations

Actually read their bio and look at their pictures. There is a difference between coming off as observant versus stalkerish. Observe a fact about them and ask for a recommendation leaning towards that. This is an incredibly easy way to start a conversation on a dating app. 

Start with a fact about yourself

You can start with a fact about yourself and leave room for discussion, by asking a question at the end about it. Once again, curate towards the person. Don’t open with a random fact just about yourself. Tie yourself and the person together. 

For example, if I saw a picture of them in Chicago I would say something like:

“I’ve never been to Chicago, what would be something you recommend doing if I go.”

Make sure you are sincere in your questions. This can be the perfect icebreaker to start with and also, an easy way to begin a conversation. 

Complement their bio

If you find something interesting in their bio, use it as an opportunity to break the ice and start a conversation with the other person. Once again, make sure you leave it open-ended.

Do not be sugar-sweet

Be yourself and do not overdo it. When you are being a little too extra (not yourself)  it can be seen as a red flag. Be nice and be real. Being authentic to yourself is what matters the most. 

Ask them questions about their goals 

Asking about their future may be too ambitious, but asking for their goals is different. When you are starting to talk to someone it is important that you understand what they want, but don’t push it. Live in the moment a bit. It will help you to align yourself with them and you will know if you are on the same page or not.

It will give you more ideas regarding what to talk about and what not to talk about. 

Once again, read the bio. They may not be on the dating app for the same reasons that you are on it and do not be too intense. Do not ask something that is uncomfortable. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”- is way too much. Instead, ask them about something that is not so far out. 

Spark the chemistry with quirky questions and do not rush things

If you are moving too fast it might deter the other person; therefore, it is best that you keep it slow but start with quirky conversation starters initially.

Think of something that is creative and lighthearted. When you both are comfortable with each other, it is easier to learn about the other person.

Wondering what to start with?

Let me help you out with a few ways to start a conversation on a dating app:

  • You can ask them about their photos.
  • You can ask them if there are places that they want to visit. I would ask this if you find photos regarding travel on their profile, or something about traveling in their description. In the initial conversation, do not ask random questions. It is more sincere when you ask a question pertaining to them. 
  • You can ask them about their work and their job and open the floor to discussing yours. Work can be a great conversation starter.
  • You can talk about your favorite music or their favorite singer. You can discuss movies that you like and the books that you’ve read. Food is also a great conversation starter. Apps like Tinder also have an option to list your favorite Spotify songs. Once again, I can not stress this enough, initially discuss things that pertain to them. 

Try not to be a conversation killer and keep your conversation open-ended.

Caution:

I would be careful of the over-the-top compliments at the beginning of the conversation because they can come off insincere.

Make sure that you are not making fun of yourself because it might seem self-deprecating and show a lack of confidence.

Make sure you are approachable. When you are approachable and you are asking open ended questions, you are allowing room for a conversation. 

Also, check the app. Do not get on and message people only to respond days later. If you want to be successful on the app then you need to be proactive on the dating app. 

Long Distance Relationship Quotes

Inspiring Long Distance Relationship Quotes

Relationships, in general, can be complicated and if it is a long distance relationship, it may be more difficult than the traditional relationship. It is trust and love that keeps long distance relationships going. When you step into a long distance relationship, you began to understand the importance of spending time together and cherishing each moment.

Here are some long distance relationship quotes.

Long Distance Relationship Quotes

“In true love the smallest distance is too great and the greatest distance can be bridged.” – Hans Nouwens

long distance relationship quotes – Hans Nouwens

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.”

 – Charles M. Schulz

relationship quotes – Charles M. Schulz

Khalil Gibran once wrote that

“Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

long distance relationship quotes ― Donna Lynn Hope

Another amazing long distance relationship quotes by Meghan Daum is:

“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough.”

A deep quote by Doug Fetherling is: 

“Your absence has not taught me how to be alone; it has merely shown me that when together we cast a single shadow on the wall.”

long distance relationship quotes -Doug Fetherling

These are some of the most famous and most heart-touching long distance relationship quotes. Even in long distance relationships you can feel that you are with someone even when you are miles apart. 

Communication is the key to any relationship, especially when it is a long distance relationship. Communication becomes one major factor when you are unable to physically see each other every day or even every few weeks. 

The long distance relationship, with appropriate communication and trust combined with support from both sides, can absolutely work.

Remember that even when you are apart from each other, you can still be together because of the love and the relationship that you have.

Donna Hope once said that.

“I don’t cry because we’ve been separated by distance, and for a matter of years. Why? Because for as long as we share the same sky and breathe the same air, we’re still together.”

long distance relationship quotes

When you are in a long distance relationship, you have to understand the meaning of being together and being faithful. When there is no faith, there is no relationship at all. 

Winnie the Pooh said; 

How lucky what someone who has someone that makes saying goodbye so difficult.”

long distance relationship quotes -Winnie the Pooh

Love has to be strong enough to stand the distance.

Are you the toxic one in relationships

Are you the Toxic One in Your Relationships?

“The truth is that most of us have at least one toxic trait that we need to work on.”  
Sometimes we are stuck in our own way. Sometimes we have been single for so long that we forget that we have to compromise when we get into a new relationship, and we end up bringing that single mentally into it. Sometimes we are just a$$holes that are lucky to have someone put up with us :).