Title:Digital Affairs in the Social Media Age: When a “Like” Becomes MicrocheatinAs a sociologist, I’ve watched relationship norms shift dramatically over the last two decades, but the newest frontier—digital affairs in the social media age—is one of the most subtle and damaging evolutions yet.

In a world where emotional attention is split between DMs, Slack messages, and Stories, many people find themselves asking:
“Is that really cheating?”

The answer? It depends—but if your partner wouldn’t like it (or doesn’t know about it), it’s time to take a closer look.

What Is Microcheating?

Digital affairs in the social media age often start with what feels like nothing: a casual comment, a flirty DM, or a late-night emoji reaction. But these small, secret interactions build emotional bonds outside your primary relationship—and that’s the heart of microcheating.

Examples of microcheating include:

• Frequently reacting with ❤️ or 😍 to a specific person’s posts
• Keeping a dating app “just to browse” while in a relationship
• Ongoing DMs with someone you find attractive—but calling it “just chatting”
• Dressing up for a Zoom call because your favorite coworker might be there
• Sharing personal relationship struggles with someone else—consistently

Australian psychologist Melanie Schilling, who coined the term, defines it as anything “you wouldn’t do openly in front of your partner.”

Why It’s a Big Deal (Even If It Feels Small)

People love to defend their behavior with:

“It’s just social media.”
“We’re just friends.”
“I didn’t even touch them.”

But according to Abby Medcalf, a psychologist and host of Relationships Made Easy, it’s not about the physical—it’s about trust and transparency.

“It’s cheating if your partner doesn’t like it, or doesn’t know about it, or wouldn’t like it if they knew about it.”

The rise of digital affairs in the social media age means people are forming emotional connections outside their relationships with fewer boundaries—and fewer consequences. Yet the emotional fallout can be just as painful as a physical affair.

What Most People Don’t Realize Is Cheating

As a sociologist, I see the same rationalizations again and again. People tell themselves that because it’s not physical, it’s not harmful. But microcheating often begins with emotional secrecy, which can break trust just as deeply.

Common actions people don’t see as cheating, but often are:

• Hiding messages or changing your phone password
• Liking thirst traps regularly from the same person
• Keeping up a flirty convo with an ex “for fun”
• Telling someone else they “get you” more than your partner does
• Venting about your relationship problems to someone you’re attracted to

The digital world allows for what I call “slow fades of loyalty.” One heart emoji at a time, people emotionally detach from their partner and attach to someone else—without even noticing.

What Makes It Cheating?

Experts agree: cheating isn’t just about sex—it’s about secrecy, intent, and emotional energy.

If your partner saw the messages or interactions, would they be hurt? Would they feel betrayed? Would you be okay showing them everything?

If the answer is no, then it’s likely part of a digital affair in the social media age.

How to Protect Your Relationship from Microcheating

It’s easy to ignore red flags until it’s too late. But the strongest couples have clear, evolving conversations about boundaries—especially digital ones.

1. Define What “Exclusive” Means

Especially if you met online, talk about whether dating apps are deleted, if DMing certain people is okay, and what emotional fidelity looks like.

2. Normalize Digital Check-ins

You check your calendar, your budget—so why not check in about relationship expectations?

3. Approach Gently, Not Accusing

Noticed your partner being more secretive with their phone? Try:
“I noticed you’ve been online more lately and I’ve felt a little distant—can we talk about it?”

4. Reflect on Your Own Digital Behavior

If you’re emotionally engaging with someone outside your relationship, pause and ask: “Why am I doing this?” That curiosity can stop damage before it starts.

5. Use It to Reconnect

If microcheating has already happened, it doesn’t have to mean the end. Often, it’s a signal to reconnect more deeply. As therapist William Schroeder says:

“Sometimes when these little microcheating examples come up, it can be really helpful to understand, ‘Why is this coming up for me?’”

Final Thoughts from a Sociologist

Digital affairs in the social media age may not involve physical touch, but the emotional impact is very real. In relationships, secrecy and shifting loyalty—no matter how subtle—can erode trust. But with openness, reflection, and compassion, couples can build stronger emotional guardrails in the digital world.

If you’re wondering whether something’s microcheating, the answer lies not in definitions—but in how it feels, and whether it’s bringing you closer or farther from your partner.

Sources:

• Associated Press article by Albert Stumm
• Albert Stumm’s Website
• Just Mind Counseling (William Schroeder)
• Abby Medcalf, Psychologist
• Melanie Schilling on Microcheating