The emotionally cut off partner

The Spouse that Emotionally Shuts Down

Asking Ana

Relationship Advice

The Spouse that Emotionally Shuts Down

E-mail from a reader that is dealing with a husband that emotionally shuts down in arguments. 

July 25 2018

The emotionally cut off partner

by AL

Millennial Relationship Guru

Dear Ana, 

When I have arguments or discussions with my husband, he just nods along and then disappears into another room when I am finished speaking. Afterwards, he does not speak to me besides saying “Good Moring” or “Good Night.” It is as if he punishing me for arguing. I’m not sure to what to do.

Hello Reader,

It sounds like your partner emotionally shuts down after a conflict. Speaking to a spouse that emotionally shuts down is just like speaking to a brick wall and you can’t reach them until they allow you to. It is almost like they are hitting pause on the relationship. The dangerous thing is that they get to control what is going on because only when they deem that it is okay to speak upon the topic, you guys can have a conversation. It is also dismissive and can be emotionally draining.

What I want you to think about, are your past conflicts.

How did they get resolve? Did they get resolved?

If this has happened one or two times, then having a conversation about how this affects you may be a positive move forward, but if this keeps going on, I think your best bet is for the both of you to speak to a relationship therapist since the line of communication between the two of you is broken. There needs to be a neutral party that can commence the line of communication between the two of you. 

There’s a difference between cooling off and being off and it is never a good feeling to feel alone in a relationship.

I wish you all of the best. Remember relationships are something you have to work on, on a daily basis. 

9 Things that are Normal in relationships

9 Things that are Normal in Relationships

That People think are Abnormal

9 Things that are Normal in relationships

Here are 9 Things that are Normal in Relationships that People think are Abnormal, but are completely normal in healthy relationships. 

“When I first met my husband, I tried to be the perfect person for him. In doing that I stopped being myself and focused solely on just pleasing him. I didn’t realize that the conflict that I ran from, was normal in relationships. I didn’t realized that I was emulating the traditional relationship that I saw in my childhood. Once I let go of trying to obtain perfection we organically grew closer.”

  1. Feeling annoyed with your partner

You are two different people with different likes and interest; of course you will get annoyed. Annoyance is an emotion that offers room for growth. If you get annoyed with something your partner does, it opens the door for a discussion and within that discussion, you and your partner can get closer and learn more about each other. Indifference is the emotion that should be worrisome.

2. Not feeling lovey dovey all the time

Unfortunately, real life happens and the honeymoon phase usually fades with time, but always working on the passion and creating a strong bond builds upon your Chemistry. Chemistry and compatibility are more important than Passion.

3. Needing personal space

As the years go by, we as individuals grow. Knowing who you are is important for a healthy relationship. That allows you to know your standards, what you will accept, your morals, etc. Personal time allows you to focus on you without having to appease someone else.

4. Feeling Bored

It is easy to fall into a rut and be bored by the everyday routine. Recognizing this is half the battle; the other half is implementing things get out of that rut. Both parties have to be willing to shake it up and try new things.

*Try cost efficient things like having a Netflix night or purchasing a MoviePass.

5. Arguments

There’s nothing wrong with arguing, if you do it respectfully. When you have two different individuals from two different backgrounds, of course there will be differences. Arguing resolves conflict and as long as you respectfully argue and know how to resolve an argument by coming to a compromise.

6. Over-Sharing your Bathroom Experience

Pooping, peeing, doing other gross grooming is common with couples. If it begins to get in the way of sexy time, make sure you close the bathroom door or try to do those things when you have privacy.

7. Things not being 50/50

A 50/50 relationship means that each individual is participating and giving the same amount of their selves for fairness. This is unrealistic. There will be times where each individual will have to pitch in certain areas more than the other due to circumstance or wellbeing. As long as you are not taking advantage of your significant other and you both have an understanding.

8. Being Wrong

Perfection is something that is unattainable; so, of course you will be wrong at some point. That is okay. You are human and allowed room for error and growth.

9. Not Being perfect

This goes hand in hand with being wrong. You don’t have to be the perfect spouse and that is okay. Not being perfect allows you to express yourself and make mistakes that you can grow from.

"A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow." -Unknown

12 Inspirational Father’s Day Quotes

Lifestyle

12 Inspirational Father's Day Quotes

06-15-2018

Staff Reporter

Inspirational Father's Day Quotes that are perfect your Father's Day card, inspiration, or just because....

  1. “A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.”

-Unknown

2.  “It’s only when you grow up and step back from him—or leave him for your own home—it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.”

-Margaret Truman

3. “A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way.”

-Unknown

4.  “Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad.”

– Anne Geddes

5. “Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, story-tellers, and singers of song.”

-Pam Brown

6. “Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.”

-Gloria Naylor

7. “The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.”

-Antoine Francois Prevost

8.  “What you teach your children, you also teach their children.”

-Unknown

9. “Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”

-Barack Obama

10.  “He adopted a role called being a father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a protector.”

–Tom Wolfe

11. “A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men.”

-Gregory E. Lang

12. “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”

-Billy Graham

 

Father's Day

Top Father’s Day Gift Ideas

Lifestyle

Top Father's Day Gift Ideas

06-08-2018

by Bonnie Min, RN
@glowonandprosper

Father's Day

Father’s Day is right around the corner…and so is the age old question of “What on Earth do I get him???”  Never fear!! I’ve scoured the Internet and conducted a highly unscientific survey by asking a few dad friends of mine what they’d like to receive.  These  gift ideas are what have landed on my 2018 Top 10 Gifts For Dad!

  1.  Cocktails For Two

There’s nothing like enjoying a quiet evening with a drink in hand…unless Dit’s a cocktail you mastered on your own AND get to share (unless you don’t want to.  Hey, it’s your gift. I’m not gonna judge you). What I like about Saloon Box  is that you get one box a month that has everything you need to make amazing craft cocktails at home, including the ingredients and instructions!  The best part, like I mentioned above, it that everything is proportioned for TWO people! It’s like having some of the world’s best bartenders in your living room…but not really.  It’s a monthly cocktail subscription box and clocks in at $37.50.

https://saloonbox.com/

  1.  Cold Brew Coffee Master

Getting Dad a Keurig is so  * yawn * 3 years ago.  Why not let him morph his inner mad scientist with his latent inner hipster and get him something that will indulge BOTH sides?  The Yama Cold Brew Tower ($250) is not only absolutely GORGEOUS, (hello, curved wood and hand blown, dishwasher and microwave safe glass parts) but it literally looks like the kind of caffeinated science experiment I can get behind.  Ice + Water + Fresh Coffee = cold brewed magic he can tweak to his exact specifications. It is also super cool looking!

https://www.espressoparts.com/6-8-cup-cold-drip-maker-curved-brown-wood-frame-32oz

  1.  Keep It Spicy

Got a dad who’s got a zillion different bottles of hot sauce?  Why not add 6 more BUT these are ones he made HIMSELF? Give him the gift of spice with this fun DIY Hot Sauce Kit!  $34.95 gets you a variety of spice packs, 6 bottles + labels to pour his creations into. Get it here from Uncommongoods.com

Beyond The Shave 4 Weeks

  1.  The Gift Of A Better Shave

What man likes razor burns, razor rashes and ingrown hairs from shaving. Why not gift him the gift of a better shave?  Rodan+Fields’s Beyond The Shave features 3 proven products specifically curated by top dermatologists for men skin care needs. This 3 step regimen helps calm overall razor irritation and gives him a smoother, closer shave while revealing better skin.  Shave with the Unblemish Acne Treatment Sulfur Wash to soften facial hairs for less razor bumps and a smoother shave. Added bonus? It does double duty as a facial cleanser! Follow this up with the Soothe Sensitive Skin Treatment instead of aftershave. Packed full of proprietary RFp3 peptide technology, this powerhouse product comforts and moisturizes freshly shaved skin while also visibly reducing redness.  

Lastly, protect and smooth his skin with Redefine Triple Defense Treatment with SPF 30. Get it here.  

Email me to find out how you can get 10% off and free FedEx shipping!

  1.  Live And Learn

Master Class

My husband loves learning new and useful things.  That’s just who he is and I love that about him. Why not spoil the man in your life with the gift of learning?  I love MasterClass for this reason because YOU can choose to either gift him with one class for $90 or spend $180 for an All Access Pass that gives him access for a whole year!  I mean, we’re talking WORLD CLASS professionals! Learn photography from Annie Leibovitz. Learn how to cook with GORDON RAMSEY. Stephen Curry will help him hone his bball skills.  What’s not to like?

  1.  Massage

Massage for Father's DayYes, you guys.  Men love massages also!  Why not treat him to a great massage? I won’t tell if you treat yourself to one at the same time!  I enjoy Hand And Stone Massage. Look and see if there’s one near you!

  1.  A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Family Photo

Give the gift of memories by booking a photo session with a great photographer.  This is the one thing my husband asks for every year. Fill your home with memories year after year!  Picture People is a great budget friendly place that has an indoor studio and various packages that can fit just about every budget.  Added bonus is having your photos printed out and framed right then and there! Or you can also splurge and hire a photographer who specializes in family portraits.

  1.  Tile Sport $25

Never again will again will you have to hear “WHERE ARE MY KEYS????” when you attach the Tile Sport to his keys!  All he has to do is open up the Tile app and BAM! The Tile Sport will locate it for him. The Tile Sport is waterproof up to 1.5 meters just in case it gets splashed on or dropped into a spill.  

Tile Sport

  1.  MeUndies

I know underwear isn’t exactly the kind of gift most people think about giving on Father’s Day, but this brand is highly rated!  For starters, the fabric they use is super soft and is really comfortable. Added bonus is that they can keep costs low due to being an online service ONLY. You have the option of spending $20 for a one time order or $16 as a subscriber.

 https://www.meundies.com/

  1.  Charitable Gifts

For the dad who TRULY has everything and doesn’t need or want anything, why not make a charitable gift in his name to a cause near and dear to his heart?  

Have more questions? E-mail Bonnie at bonnie@glowonandprosper.com

Articles by Bonnie Min, RN 

Love Quotes

Love Quotes for May 2018

Relationship

Love Quotes for May 2018

Love Quotes for May 2018 that will open your heart and inspire you. If you like these Love quotea, please share. 

05-22-2018

Staff Writer

Mother's Day Gift Ideas

10 Awesome Mother’s Day Gift Ideas

Lifestyle

10 Awesome Mother's Day Gift Ideas

Affordable Ideas for Mother's Day Gifts
05-03-2018

Staff Reporter

Mother's Day Gift Ideas
Mother's Day 2018 Gift Ideas

Don’t worry! We have affordable Mother’s Day Gift ideas that you can even purchase last minute. These Mother’s Day gift ideas can are great for grandmothers, mother-in-law and friends too.

1. Gel Nail Kit

You can find so many affordable ones with great reviews on Amazon. Also, amazon has a great selection of gel colors and accessories.

Gel Nail Kit

2. Spa Package

 

3. A cute phone case

Cute Phone Cases

4. Beauty Club Membership

The Gift that keeps on giving. There’s so many different kinds available. Target has one too. 

5.  Gift Cards never go out of style

As long as you get mom something that she would use. 

6. Perfume

 

Perfume mother's day gift ideas
This Never goes out of Style

7. Amazon Prime Membership

It’s so handy and easy. It comes with music and movies. 

8. A Classic Watch

9. Rose Pink Sneakers

Because they are trending and are super cute. 

10. Yoga Membership

It’s relaxing and will keep mom in shape!

Why Farting in Relationships is Actually a Good Sign

Farting in Relationship, although gross, is normal, but what does it mean for your relationship?

Your on the couch with your girlfriend or boyfriend and your stomach gurgles.

Your immediate reaction is to clinch. Hold on tight! Don’t let it go!

We keep it in as an effort of producing and maintaining a picture perfect image, but hold the phone… 

According to research, farting in relationships is actually good sign for your relationship.

What!!!??? All of those painful gassy moments were for nothing?

Before you start polluting the air space around your hemisphere, let’s learn why farting in relationships is a good sign.

Mic, a digital news company, surveyed over 125 20 and 30-year-olds to see when most people “break the fart barrier”. Their research found that “most people wait between two and six months into a relationship, which also happens to be prime ‘I love you’ time.”

What does this all mean?

Acceptance.

If you are able to be yourself, without judgment, with your significant other – your relationship is headed in the right direction. A positive milestone. 

I can remember the first time I farted in front of my husband. It was 10 years ago and about eight months within our relationship.

We had gone on a nine hour road trip with several other people and had finally arrived to our hotel room. Long story short, I thought he was sleeping, only later to find out that he was up and heard all of my trumpets, as I let out hours worth of pain. After I found out that he heard me, and I broke the fart cherry, I decided that the stomach pains were not worth it. Wow, what a lifestyle changer. 

 

So yes, farting in your relationship is a good sign because it shows acceptance and comfortability. 

5 Tips to a better Relationship in 2019

5 Tips to a better Relationship in 2019

Love is in the air

Love and Relationship

Tips for a better relationship in 2019.

1. Always make time to re-connect, even if it is 50 seconds or 15 minutes

Make time to ask your significant other about their day and make sure you are sincerely asking and listening.

Put down the electronics; in fact leave them in the other room to make sure you are paying attention.

Make sure you are spending moments of quality time with just you and your significant other. It might seem impossible to escape the kids, moms and dads, the posse, but you have to make time to do so.

2. Be nice

This might seems such a silly thing to say, but after a long hard day, it can be tough. Rule of Thumb, never be nicer to a stranger than to your significant other.

Do not take out your frustrations on the one you love. Like the 90’s R&B singer Donell Jones said “… But when you love someone…You just don’t treat them bad”. This is the truth. Think about what you are doing and saying.

3. Make sure your intimate

Intimacy means different things to different people. It could be from holding hands to sex. Both partners need to be satisfied and understanding within this process, but it is important.

4. Check in

Don’t go the whole day without speaking to one another. If you are forgetful to check in, put a reminder on your phone.

I once shared an office with a woman who was married for over 25 years with three grown children. She and her husband spoke at least 4 times a day (that I overheard). They were informing each other about things going on in their day, asking questions and also arguing. But that is real life. Stop excluding your significant other from the small things and let them be apart of all things by checking in.

5. Always have your partner’s back (layman terms)

Unity is such a powerful thing. A relationship ran in unity is stronger than an un-united front. You should be able to talk and bounce back ideas with one another. Agreeing is not necessary but compromising is.

Leave arguments (unless they are playful banter) behind doors and always (try) to look like a united front. -Meaning stop letting other people get involved in your relationship and have un-qualified opinions about your relationship. 

Some people feed on drama and want others to be as miserable as them. Watch who you are confiding in.