Photo by Shawn Fields on Unsplash
After a few bad relationship experiences, you might be scared of stepping into another relationship. That is completely natural! Relationships can be complicated and at times, really messy.
If you are planning to start dating someone, you should remember that it can go completely south, or it may turn out to be amazing.
A relationship is more like a gamble, where there is a risk that you do not always win the lottery. But when you know a few obvious signs, you can save yourself from the emotional trauma that comes when you get into a serious relationship.
Red flags (a term that is commonly used in relationships today) are the deal breakers that should be in your mind whenever you start a relationship.
You might need to be a little open-minded, but don’t be a fool to trust someone quickly.
When you are starting to date someone, have a look at their behavior and their habits.
Red flags are something that indicates a lack of interest and respect in a mutual relationship.
Here are some common red flags:
Ana Lefebvre from Love & Lust, (a Relationship Podcast) talks about Red Flags in a Relationship
Here are some common red flags in a relationship:
They never label the relationship.
One of the biggest deal-breakers or red flag in a relationship is that your partner is reluctant or hesitant to label the relationship even after being with you for quite some time. If you want something more, you should communicate this and get a clear understanding and definition of the relationship. It is better to have a comprehensive conversation regarding this matter, than to wait and see what the other person is wanting to do.
When the partner is not willing to label the relationship, it may mean that they are not seeing you as a serious partner. Therefore, they may step out of the relationship and see someone else. To ensure that you are not massively emotionally invested in this relationship for no reason, you should discuss this matter with your partner to receive a clear understanding. If your partner does not want to call you the title that you hope the relationship is heading towards, this might not be the relationship for you.
Please remember that you can not change someone. If they are saying that they do not want anything, you have to respect their choice and accept their answer. You have to decide if you are going to move along or be happy with your current relationship state.
Not social media official even after months.
This is the time of digitization, especially with Millennials and Generation X. A lot of people use it to keep up with others or to share about their lives through social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. If you are with someone for a couple of months and are still not a part of their social media, you might want to ask why, especially if they are an avid user.
It is a major red flag that they do not want you to be on their social media account(s) because it technically means that they do not want their acquaintances or friends to know about the relationship that they have with you. One of the reasons for this can be that your partner does not want to have a long-term commitment relationship with you, or they are unsure about being in a relationship with you. The feelings are most likely, one-sided and the relationship will not be going anywhere.
If this does bother you, then ask. Communication is the only thing that will solve this red flag. If they still do not want to show you on their social media account(s), then you should re-evaluate the relationship.
If your partner is keeping secrets, there is something wrong and this is a huge red flag. Being together in a relationship and keeping secrets is a big deal breaker. It can cause stress, paranoia and break trust that you may never regain.
Compromise is not something they want to do.
Every relationship requires effort. Both of you wouldn’t need to compromise each time something comes up, but if you feel that your partner is unwilling to compromise, is that even a relationship? If your partner wants you to make all the effort and compromise, maybe you should think again if you want this to be a long-term relationship.
This kind of relationship, where only one partner is expected to do all the effort and compromise is not a fluid relationship. You should definitely get out of a relationship where the respect and the efforts are not mutual and the other person is not willing to compromise.
You have to ask yourself if you are okay with a one-sided relationship.
Their friends or family do not like you.
One other major red flag is that his friends do not like you. Just remember that his friends and family do not know you personally. In fact, they know you because of your partner. When your partner’s friends or family do not like you, then question how you are portrayed to them. The negative vibe may stem from the fact that your partner does not think of this relationship as a long-term relationship.
This division between you and his family will definitely impact the relationship negatively and cause a deep strain. Think of the holidays (if you only see your significant other’s family on holidays), future children, etc and how that negativity will impact your life.
Cannot match your sex drive.
The next most important point is that your partner can not match your sex drive. Your partner or yourself may have a high sex drive or does not want to have sex at all. One major aspect to consider when being in a relationship is that both sides should have a similar thought process regarding intimacy and sex.
You would feel, in very little time, that only one of the partners is initiating sex and the other one does not feel the same about sex or have the same definition of the importance of sex in a relationship.
Pushing physical boundaries.
Do you have a boundary already set regarding physical intimacy? Does your partner know about that but still tries to push it a little bit more? Does he constantly try to hug you or give you a shoulder rub? Do you sometimes feel awkward when he is a little too intimate with you? Well, that is a major red flag that he is trying to push the boundaries with the little innocent ways that he or she may have. This can be really dangerous in just a few months and can cause a lot of emotional distress for you.
Being in a relationship can be tough and for the most part, will always require a lot of work. We are not perfect, by nature, but always keep hope that you will find someone who is not only the perfect match for you, but also wants to respect you with all their heart and soul.
Do not try to make a relationship work if you find massive red flags or deal breakers. Do not end the relationship without communicating these issues, since it could possibly just be miscommunication. Once you know that you are not compatible with this person, it is better to end the relationship rather than trying to force something that will not work.
More from Ana Lefebvre
What Is a F* Boy?
After talking to a friend about the actual meaning of a fuckboy, I decided to write an article about it. They are the most manipulative creatures to “date” and are sometimes hard to spot, at first. Have you experienced a f boy?